he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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