I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
