Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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