found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
