You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
