No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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