I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
