my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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