FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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