we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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