Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
