I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
