pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
