just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
