i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
