life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't like sucking hair
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
