its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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