I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
