Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
