apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
