At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
