So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
