Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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