I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
