direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
