she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
