wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
