i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
