Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
