somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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