I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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