hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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