i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
