i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She even gives head with a lisp.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
