Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
