So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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