Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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