if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
