It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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