p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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