I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
