Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She announced her abortion via fbk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
