All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
