Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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