Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
