She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
