you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
