took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
