you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
