Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
