That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
