he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
