Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
