I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
