I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just found a bag of teeth...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
