I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
