He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
