And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
