hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
