So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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