his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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