also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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