I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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