im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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