Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
