I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
