is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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