Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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