i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
