I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
